Dehyping the holidays, 2004

Seasonal TV perfume ads make me feel weird, ambivalent and aroused. Jeez, Calvin, go talk to somebody.

Coca-Cola, with those weird post-punk carolers hammering your TV spot soundtrack. Not exactly teaching the world to sing in perfect har-mo-nee, this year.

Wal-Mart actually bought some last-minute radio spots to save the season—they never buy radio. When Wal-Mart worries, should I?

Osama, snug in his Pakistani parka, wants to squeeze off our oil supply. And our white knight had a nanny problem. I’m thinking Bobby Knight—what do you think?

Oh well, Noel.